MY JOURNEY TO LOVEFEST AND BEYOND - Part 5
For the majority of my life I suffered from Social Anxiety which showed up as shyness as a teenager. In the beginning, I tried to distract myself from it by drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, weed, drugs, tv, computer games, trying to be comedic or silly or just staying away and hiding from people and social situations as much as I could. I did whatever I could to escape it. For most of my life I wasn't even conscious of the fact that I was doing it. Over time I had learnt to just feel the uncomfortableness in my body and be ok with it. This was not an easy thing to do. Allowing myself to feel the emotions that arose and just breathe, through the awkwardness. From this place came the magic of connection.
I was then able to make friends easier and meet new people more than I ever had. I was able to show more of me. The social anxiety I’ve had my whole life still showed up. I still felt it in my body. I still felt awkward at times but this time I allowed myself to be ok with it. What worked the most was that I was starting to connect more with my heart and less with my head. I threw my 44th Birthday party at the beach and to my surprise, I had about 44 people show up including musicians, authors, artists, poets and a yoga teacher. It turned from a party into an event with a beautiful sunset, fire, open mic, music jams. One month later and I did it again for about 40 people with no birthday. Just a beach party. Alcohol and weed was still present at the party though. My mate Paul said “This could be the next Burning Man”. I laughed.
During this time, I had heavily invested into creating my own online coaching business. I learnt about and created online platforms, funnels, social media marketing. The most difficult part was getting myself in front of a camera and talking, that was so awkward in itself. I must have spent over a thousand hours practicing and trying to make videos that I thought were good enough. It was very confronting for me to talk in front of a camera with no one holding it trying to sell my coaching services and then deliver them. I was selling an online 12-week Self-Healing program to help people heal themselves. I had many leads but made hardly any sales. Most of my leads and clients however were now in the United States.
I also knew Joel Sprechman in San Diego who interviewed me after I healed from Crohn’s Disease for the One Great Gut website. He called me an IBD Hero because healing to the point I had done was extremely rare in the world. I noticed an event he was going to called “Dance Medicine” and for some reason it really connected with me. I was in a place of uncertainty with my business and Dance Medicine felt right. My heart felt it. One of the modules in my own coaching program really stood out to me. The concept was “Follow your heart and step out of your comfort zone”. I decided to let go of one dream to discover another unknown dream and purchased my plane ticket for the United States for 5 weeks.
Due to my high investment in the business my funds were running very low. I could have looked for a job but I decided to let go of my place in Umina Beach and use the rent money on my trip instead to “step out of my comfort zone and follow my heart”. I felt very sad about it and remember crying over it. I was also very scared. I remember it feeling like a death. A dream was dying, but I felt excited about a new way of being that was coming. I imagined that this is what death must be like. Sad to leave one state of being that you know and love, and also afraid of the unknown that’s coming.
I arrived in San Diego and immediately had places to stay, including one special friend in Carlsbad. As part of my trip I also stayed in Miami with the publisher of a book I had a chapter in, where a client also flew from New York to have a coaching session with me. I had spiritual experiences in Sedona and the California Desert, but the most impactful part of the trip was the actual event I went there for “Dance Medicine” at the Trilogy Sanctuary in La Jolla. There was no alcohol or drugs. And it was full of music, dance, DJ’s, big Djembe Drum Jams, fire shows, art shows, Yoga, and sound healings. Plus there was great healthy foods, card readings, non-alcoholic elixirs, face painting and more. I also went to other similar events, mostly in Encinitas and met many people in the community. I had found out that Joel used to be a conscious events organiser and he knew many people in community. I facilitated a workshop to a full room of amazing people in a healing circle with his support.
I also had a beautiful lady drive me around regularly to visit all the amazing beaches and places in San Diego. Even though I had little financially, I was wealthy and abundant in other ways. I had places to stay, people supporting me, connecting with me, hugging me and more. I didn’t need to spend money on hotels/transport/clubs etc. Instead it was given to me because I had given with my heart previously and without expecting anything in return. I trusted in abundance and flow.
On thanksgiving, first thing in the morning, I joined a group of beautiful people that went downtown into the city to give to the homeless. We had many paper bags organised full of goodies. There were many people there giving which was beautiful to see. I walked off on my own and felt there was something missing. I sat down next to one homeless person and started talking to him. By the end of the conversation, I had realised and learnt a very valuable lesson. What homeless people need most is not food, clothes, or money, although all of these things definitely help. I realised that what homeless people need most is....CONNECTION.
I went to 3 parties that night including one that was at Daniel Schmachtenberger’s - one of the worlds leading thinkers on future civilizations. I was amazed at how the community was connected, supporting each other, and thriving in many ways. By the time I was ready to come home, I felt like I was part of a community for the first time in my life.
TO BE CONTINUED....
Photo taken during Sunset at Moonlight Beach.
