MY JOURNEY TO LOVEFEST AND BEYOND PART 8

Now that I had successfully co-created the first Lovefest, I wanted to do it all again and aim for bigger. I wanted to get to 300 people. I engaged with many similar people from before and brought in Jake Cassar as well as community stars from Sydney like Emanuel Lieberfruend and Olivia Rosebery. I thought for sure this will sell out and peak so I can finally make some decent income. To my surprise the opposite happened. We reached less than 200 and the result financially was not good and I felt like a failure. However I did receive many accolades from people that came.

I had so many people approach me and praise me more than I ever had. The result of the event had reached a higher level for transformation and connection. In the beginning I absorbed all the praise feeling al the love and light. It kept coming and I started to feel very alone and empty. A darkness came over me. I remember going home feeling like there was a hole in my heart. I didn’t know what was happening. Over time I eventually realised that the loneliness came because I had lost my humbleness. I also realised that at the end of the tunnel of light there is darkness just like at the end of the tunnel of darkness there is light.

I then started a new relationship and a new part time job in IT. I didn’t know if I wanted to run another event. There was a lot of pain around the failure and the emptiness I had discovered in myself. I had an opportunity to work and save some money so I did. Through feeling my emotions and connecting to nature I asked my heart “What do I do?” Lovefest events came through quite strongly. I had fire in my belly to make a big difference in the world and events was how. Because of people that had reached out to me I started planning two new types of events. My creative juices were flowing more than ever. One was the first camping weekend in Newcastle for 11.11.2018 weekend and the other was an epic Lovefest in A Sound Life Dome which was planned for The Entertainment Quarter, Fox Studios, Sydney on March 30.03.2019. They both required new teams and new challenges.

With Newcastle I had many new learnings including dealing with our first sold out event which created new problems. I also discovered I was still very unprofessional at what I was doing just piecing things together. The most amazing moment was the 11.11. Lovebomb which included a war veteran doing a speech before I facilitated a meditation of Love to ripple out into the world.

With Lovefest Sydney in March 2019. We had the mission of bringing the entire conscious community together and invited all of the dance leaders to function as one. I wanted the flow to happen a certain way to make the experience stronger. I was told it was not possible but I stayed strong with my beliefs and what I wanted and it came through with much hard work from myself and many others involved in the co-creation. The ticket numbers were still not where we wanted them but we had made it in Sydney.

Not long after, the relationship I was in ended and I had many emotions to deal with. I experienced much personal growth from the emotions that came up. I felt that empty hole again. Only this time it was bigger and deeper. I would often just sit and feel my emotions and hug myself and cry. I connected to my childhood around my emotions and discovered where it was all coming from. I was able to take ownership of my part. I became aware of patterns that I wasn't aware of before. I thought I had it all figured out but I hadn't. I tracked my pain and my patterns to when I was a child. I would often go the beach alone and just allow myself to feel the uncomfortable emotions. The feeling of not being good enough. The guilt, the shame. I would just sit and feel it fully in my body and then just gave myself love and acceptance. I would repeat to myself... I am Loved, I am whole and complete, I am safe. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I realised that if I was going to hold myself true to the values of Lovefest then I would need to look myself in the mirror and be in integrity with that. One of the hardest things to do.

Feeling my emotions with Love kept opening up new worlds for me. This time I was loving my connection to Maroubra. I would go there and swim and/or dance multiple times a week. Sometimes alone and sometimes with a new friend. I started to be more child like and playful again. Playful with creativity and with the dance. I was shown an amazing venue that was available for community. And with a new team again we started organising the next Lovefest in Maroubra which was to be on 19. 10.19. Also my father’s birthday who had passed a few years earlier.

Then just as we started planning I had another blow in my life. I just found out that someone I trusted did something unforgiveable to someone in my family. I was the most forgiving person I know but I could not forgive this person. I called the police and was tormented by the situation. I felt like I was reaching some of the darkest moments in my life.

I still fulfilled my commitments which included co-organising a DJ only event called Move4Love for 200 people in early September, a Drumming event in Maroubra for 350 people in late September and Lovefest Maroubra on 19.10.19 for about 275 people. My intention was to run another 11.11. camping weekend for 2019 but I felt helpless and angry with what had happened to my family. I realised that I couldn't hold space for others and needed to work through my emotions so I made a choice to not run Lovefest events anymore and just stop. Even though I also had a vision to have an event on 20.02.2020. I just couldn’t do it.

To be Continued.......

Image below is from Lovefest Newcastle 11.11.2018 just before the Lovebomb meditation. Back when I had a beard haha.

The other image is from Lovefest 30.03.2019 in A Sound Life Dome at The Entertainment Quarter. Just after we connected to millions of people globally via a Love Meditation and the being led in song by Simon Jankelson.

Photography by Yvan Fournier